In newspaper speak, when the daily paper is done, it’s ready to be put to bed. Well, it’s come that time for one of my first, long-term blogs because:
Happy B’earthday to me! I’m 5-0/fifty/fitty/midcentury as of September 15. In more than 100 postings, I mused about my own imperfections (me, racist?); world news (Boxer Day Tsunami/Michael Jackson’s death, President Obama’s victory); and life revelations (meditation works!). At it’s height, 2,000 or so blog readers took a look, which satisfied my creative ROI (and ego).
I started this blog, reveling in the glow of 40, doing what I thought every professional, financially steady, fit&healthy, shops at Whole Foods, 40-something should be doing. I was acquiring things, traveling, living a life that wasn’t perfectly balanced leaving just enough room for adventure. I was bold in my declarations of my triumphs as well as my shortcoming. After all, I was now a grown-ass women and I knew E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
Despite the naiveté, I love some of my early 40somethingsisters blog posts. They are genuine, revealing, and human. I can remember writing those posts hoping to affirm the human connection as well as to acknowledge the fallibility of our perceptions. I wanted to share my glimpses of enlightenment with the world—bless my heart—and distinguish myself as being “on the path.”
But the soundtrack for the early 4th quarter of my 40s, would be Valerie June’s “Pushing Up Against A Stone.” I forgot everything I knew about being cool and flowing until the pendulum swings and let external circumstances kick my enlightened ass right off the path. My Spiritual/Islamic upbringing; hours on the yoga mat and hiking trail; and family & friends, kept me from veering off into life-halting depression and cirrhosis. But the beauty of those circumstances, in retrospect, is confirmation that I always had and have what I need. Most First World problems won’t kill you, thought they may cause some discomfort and humbleness.
So moving into 50, I’m cool with that fact that I know nothing. I mean, I know SOME things for sure, but for the most part, I’m good with viewing all else with the eye of the retroactively uninitiated. Maybe this is where the arc of aging takes the turn back towards infancy because I’m really alright with seeing things in new ways and staying open to endless possibility, change, and, yes, dreaming ideas and ideals into reality.
With the retirement of 40somethingsisters, which honestly had been badly abandoned for some time because the finishing power just wasn’t there, a new voice is whispering in my ear. This one has a broader view, less of “look at me and what I’m experiencing” and more of “how can I/we live more consciously, compassionately, lovingly, and globally aligned? Yeah, my hippie is about to show, but I’d love to spread some Peace&Love.
Is it coincidence that Nina Simone is singing “Feeling Good” as I put the final touches on this achévement? Nope.
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