Tags
dating, eHarmony, internet dating, Love, mature dating, men, psychosocial, sex, Tinder, women
In this technological age, if you are single and want to increase the possibility of meeting a potential friend, date, life partner, it seems that internet dating is the new disco. Particularly if you are of a certain age where dressing and primping after 10 pm, standing in line for club entry/a drink/the bathroom, and getting molested on the dance floor isn’t really how you want to find a mate.
Online dating gives the mid-life dater endless access to eligible singles. There are dating sites where you can share your entire personal history online–eHarmony’s profile questionnaire has a total of 400 personal questions; or more on-the-fly applications like Tinder where you can be up and matchmaking by simply importing your Facebook profile. Of course, internet dating has its pitfalls like eDaters who post decades-old photos and the fact that it can be really time consuming since you can cruise the scene 24/7. It can also be psychosocially revealing.
Everybody’s doing it…According to StatistisBrain.com, there are 54,250,000 single folks in the US alone; 41,250,000 have tried online dating. You can do it for “free ninety-nine” as my niece likes to say, or pay upwards of $7.99 a month for premium services. On average, searching singles are spending about $240 annually on internet dating. And yes, people actually do make real connections online. In fact, my best buddy recently married a wonderful man from London who she met on okcupid.com.
For me, internet dating is a social buffet. You select your dish or dishes. Try them to whatever degree you are so inspired– messaging through the dating site, texting, chatting, or meeting face-to-face. If you like the flavor, you go back for more. If this turns into a mutual trend then, as a gesture of satisfaction like rubbing your belly, you hide your profile (I caution against deleting profiles too soon though because–keeping it real–like $7.99 buffets, there is something just a tiny bit slimy about some of the online entrées).
Rick, Al and Mike
As for my psychosocial discovery, it seems there are three kinds of guys looking for love online. There’s Relationship Rick, Infatuated Al, and Megabyte Mike. Relationship Rick is usually a really nice guy, from a really nice family, who really wants to be in a relationship. He’s oftentimes divorced and has taken the time to reflect on his contribution to his failed marriage. He not only wants a relationship, but he’s QRM–quality relationship material (consistent, communicative…) He spent a lot of time crafting his profile and its pretty much all true. He’ll be ready to shut down his account and settle down by the second date…
Infatuated Al is another story. This is the dude who selectively engages and is usually quite charming and intelligent. He’s often above-average in the looks department, or has a sense of style, a little swag that makes him oddly alluring. He’s smoothly aggressive. He seems to mirror your likes and dislikes and he showers you with compliments and assurance of his interest. He’s an extremely accommodating date and a good kisser. And just as things are heating up (if they haven’t already)–Poof! He’s gone. Presumably on to the next one, or locked up, or recruited into the witness protection plan. You just never know with Al.
Megabyte Mike is in it strictly for SEO–sex engagement optimization. Mike eagerly engages with anyone who responds to his profile. And somehow, pretty early on in the engagement, he starts talking about sex or the size of his penis. He wants you to send him provocative pictures and will return the favor (so déclassé). He wants to meet badly and will offer to do so at any hour of the day or night–preferably at your place. He probably has an excel spreadsheet where he lists the women he’s met online and had sex with. He’s painfully obvious so he’s easy to avoid.
The deal is that dating is hit or miss no matter how you approach it. Or at what age. Internet dating has made coupling possible at the click of a keystroke. Temper the experience with a bit of pragmatism, patience, common sense, and yes, compassion and a solid soul connection just might compute.